A Love Filled Home.
This month has me all filled up thinking about love. Who I love, how I show them, experiencing life and growing together. I think we all have an idea of what loving another human being means. Whether it’s being extra considerate, being attentive and listening, giving and receiving compliments. Most of us have experienced something that we’d call love. But what about loving your space? Particularly, loving your stuff?
Who among us can honestly say that they love every item that they own, and what would that even look like?
Last month I wrote about feeling goals—how do you want to feel in your space? And this month, I want to talk about how to get there. Sometimes our space can feel so overwhelming and out of control, the only thing a client can muster in way of a goal is ‘Better! I want to feel better!’ I completely understand the overwhelm and discord that can cloud our vision when we feel so disconnected from our environment. So if this sounds like you, here’s a starting point that can help part the clouds.
Presuppose we are decluttering by category, not location. We’ll start with clothes, for example. You’ve pulled all of your clothes out of the closet, dresser, hall closet, your kids closets, wherever you keep clothes, and you’ve got a great big clothes mountain on your bed. You pick up your first item, and attempt the ‘how does this make me feel?’ question. If at this point a mounting sense of dread comes to a head, tears and frustration boiling just below the surface, let’s take a deep breath, rewind, and allow me to offer this way in instead.
Before starting the clothes mountain (or book mountain, garage-items mountain, kitchen stuff mountain, etc.), pull out one or two items that you absolutely love, your go-to favorites. Maybe it’s a pair of pants that fits you perfectly and makes you feel like a million bucks. Maybe it’s a top that makes your eyes pop. Whatever it is, grab that first. Now take a minute or two and hold it. Feel it in your hands. Breathe. Experience in your body how it makes you feel. Observe all that is going on with you. Do your shoulders relax? Does a smile easily come to your lips? A sense of calm. A tiny burst of joy. Maybe you even do a little excited run-in-place move. This feeling is what you are aiming for, so really take the time to observe it and get to know it. Becoming keenly aware of this feeling is crucial for the success of your decluttering session.
When you start your decluttering process by aligning yourself with an item you already know you love and have a connection to, you are calibrating your inner feeling guide. This feeling of love, this joy that you feel when you hold your favorite item, this is possible to feel for everything you own. Now I know the degree to which you feel it will vary—sometimes you’re not in love with your office supplies, but they do bring calm and comfort, less fireworks, but it’s still there. But this love-feeling is the spectrum to be on.
I often hear, ‘I have to keep it, it was expensive.’ ‘I can’t throw it out, it was a gift.’ ‘But aren’t I supposed to have one of these?’ All of these ideas are rooted in either guilt or shame. Working through these old beliefs with clients is my favorite part of this job. To be honest, it’s the whole point.
Lasting change only comes with a change in beliefs.
And when we face a mountain of our clutter, we get to know what we think about ourselves and how we want to be perceived by others. It brings up a lot of old shame and guilt. So when you hold an item and this discomfort creeps into your gut, let me give you explicit permission to let it go. I could write a whole book about the power of letting go of things that spark shame, so I will leave it at that for now. For today, let’s focus on the love.
Continue to practice this required love to keep an item, and I promise that the days of holding onto things that make you feel less-than will be gone forever.
When we release those little reminders of how we don’t measure up, the feedback loop of shame lessens, and your overall happiness will improve.
This is the magic of organizing!
It is completely possible to live in a space that consistently reinforces your worthiness of love and belonging. Every cabinet you open can smile back at you. Every article of clothing you put on your perfect body can sing your praises. This feeling of love and joy can be a life changing experience, and it is available to all of us.
May this month be filled with life-affirming love and celebration!
-Raleigh