What to do with Gifts That You Just Don't Like
Gifts can be tricky. While giving gifts to close friends and family is one of my great joys in life, giving them to people you aren’t close with or who you’re not exactly on great terms with can be a real fraught situation. Receiving them in the same circumstance can be equally painful. Gifts are a topic I come across all the time decluttering with clients. It’s ubiquitous. Everybody has something (multiple somethings) they don’t want or like that they keep because it was a gift. So what’s a good, kind person to do when they receive something that they just plain don’t like?
First things first: The Gift is Not the Gift.
When I’m decluttering with a client and we come across the gift, people’s faces are always the same: squished up into an uncomfortable, stomach-ache grimace. Maybe you’re making that face right now picturing the unwanted gift in your home. I can spot that holding-a-gift-I-don’t-like-but-can’t-get-rid-of-face in an instant. So I ask what I ask, and the answer is always the same: It was a gift.
Maybe the gift is an ill-fitting or off-style jacket from your well-intentioned mom, or a kitchen gadget from your aunt that you never intend on using. It could be a jewelry box received from a relative who still believed you to be 12 years old, when in fact you were pushing thirty. Whatever the item, that is not the true gift.
What is the true gift?
Let’s assume that the person giving you this gift likes you and intended for you to like it. If this person doesn’t like you and is giving you a sh*tty gift on purpose, girl, donate that! You don’t need that kind of negativity! Why you even gotta read this?!?
I believe giving gifts is about an exchange of energy and intentions. We give gifts to each other to simply show we care.
I wish to bring warmth to your life. I want you to be well-fed. You are beautiful. I spend time and energy thinking about you. I recognize you. I love you.
The intention and energy is the true gift. The item is there to serve as a reminder.
Sure it has a practical physical use, but if the way you feel about the item contradicts the true gift, it will serve to counteract it, acting against the giver’s energetic intention.
By holding onto the fancy serving plates that make you feel like a failure because you don’t host fancy dinner parties, you are counteracting the true gift, which is to make you feel nourished, seen and loved.
By holding onto the shoes that just aren’t your style and therefore make you feel like the giver doesn’t pay attention to you, you are counteracting the true gift, which is to make you feel supported and protected.
We need to protect the energy in our homes. You absolutely do not need to keep things that make you feel less than. They make you less productive, less imaginative and zap your energy to go out into the world and be the best version of yourself. Even if those things were gifts, making your home a place that rejuvenates you and replenishes your positive energy is paramount.
Now we are coming to the part where I tell you that it is perfectly acceptable to donate that gift you don’t want, but I can feel your resistance. So let me first talk about the timeline:
Every item in our homes is cyclical. Things break, they go out of fashion, they get consumed or used up, and some just stop supporting our good energy (like this gift that you don’t want). As you develop your organizing habits, this timeline will vary. People are slow to the donate-trigger as they are getting to know what it feels like to truly love an item and want it around. This is normal. You are learning a new skill. So I’m not telling you as soon as you get it home from Christmas you have to donate the gift you don’t like. Take it for a spin, really feel how it works for you in your home. Test it out. The timeline is up to you, but stay aware of it. This new item needs to earn its keep.
If you are someone that needs to hear this from an authority figure, here it is:
‘You do not have to keep things you don’t want or like, no matter who or where they came from, no matter how long you’ve had it or how recently it was given to you. You are still a good person worthy of love and respect.’
-Raleigh West, Professional Organizer, a good person who donates gifts that don’t bring her joy
Gift giving is a part of close relationships and close relationships are complicated. You, dear reader, are a good person worthy of respect and understanding and healthy close relationships. May you feel seen and supported. May your home provide protection and a safe place to heal and rejuvenate. May you give love and feel loved.
Happy New Year,
Raleigh